FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
you would pick up someone in the library
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
