How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize