I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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