Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
