how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Life is so much better after having sex.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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