wat bout pragnant strippers??
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Someone shattered a urinal.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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