I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
