I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
