you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Everyone says I win the strip club
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
