So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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