Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
