I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize