i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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