But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
