Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
