cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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