A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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