So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
