just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The adults are the big ones right?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
