so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
