She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
