just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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