Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
