he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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