I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
