OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
