Are we in a gay sports bar?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
