I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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