it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
