He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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