i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
