I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
