i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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