she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
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