I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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