I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
