non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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