Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
