Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
