he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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