He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
