is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
