I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
