Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
