The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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