he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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