just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
My ATM looks so different sober.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
