Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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