Do you still have your period?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
