the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
