I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
