connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm like, not good at living.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
