i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
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