I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
