Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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