you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
only you would photoshop your dick
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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