its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize