ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
