You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
