I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
