Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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