I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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