What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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