There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
