my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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