So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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