i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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