You really coming over, don't trick.
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
