he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
