2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Small penises have feelings too.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
