I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize